I used to think that intense financial planning or divine blessing were the only ways to get wealthy. Or drug smuggling. But you know, the whole thing about ruining people’s lives and getting thrown in jail doesn’t really appeal to me, so I guess it’s back to the first two options. And because I’m not really cluey or indeed, very motivated when it comes to investing and wheeling and dealing I haven’t managed to get rich that way. And since perhaps I’m not very righteous and honourable, I haven’t been bestowed with the same sort of blessing that Solomon or Job were. Although I do have a lovely family which money cannot buy, so that is a blessing in itself. (Awww…)

But anyway, little did I know…! There is another way to get rich, and it seems so easy! A dear friend from South Africa has written to me about a great job opportunity involving the distribution of crude oil. (He didn’t actually write to me; he sent an email, and that’s just as good.) I don’t really remember him that well… or at all, come to think of it. But he wants to be a business partner with me, and he says he can trust me. I have all the qualities this project needs. Surely a complete stranger would not say those sorts of things?

So this old friend, Ricardo Zebus, simply wants me to sign off as the licence operator for the oil business and then we’ll open a joint account (because all good friends open bank accounts together, don’t they?). It seems the money will just start rolling in, as ol’ mate Ricardo tells me the business is capable of trading 2 million barrels of oil a month. Now, I don’t really buy my oil in barrels. The most I purchase is a 4 litre tin of olive oil, and that’s pretty expensive – about $25.

But a quick internet search tells me that a barrel of oil is $77 so multiply that by my share of 1 million and that’s…. a really big number! I don’t have enough fingers to count that high. Oh, hang on, just add some zeros, so that’s $77 000 000!! Hubby tells me that I still need to take out the investment money and so on, but hey, that could still bring me a tidy sum. Enough money to buy a LOT of lollies.

I like the idea of being so rich, they'd call me 'filthy rich' which is somehow way different to being 'dirt poor'. Being dirty is simple and common, but to be filthy, well, that's a whole new level of unhygienic living. 

I thought I should catch up with ol’ mate somehow and renew our friendship, but I couldn’t really remember anything about him. Like, where did I meet Ricardo? Is he married? Does he have pets? Does he like Vegemite, or Marmite? So I went back to the internet to do some more research about Ricardo, thinking perhaps I could find him on Facebook, or Old School Friends Reunited.

The results were shocking… Ricardo doesn’t trust me exclusively! He has sent this offer of business to many other people too, and worse still, they have reason to believe the deal could be a scam. I had no clue. I bet he’s not really an old friend after all.

There goes my chance at wealth and financial security. (I don’t think I’ll send Ricardo a Christmas card either.)

Oh, but hang on… there’s something on the kitchen table that came in the mail the other day. It says I am a Guaranteed Winner!! Now this is something actually in writing, a promise I can trust. It seems that I can definitely receive one of a few prizes – a big pile of gold, a bundle of cash, a diamond ring, or a tacky-looking watch. I wonder which one it will be? I can’t wait to find out.

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